If I could describe the way I am feeling about this entire study abroad, and more specifically, my tutorial, I would be that little emoji guy who’s just totally meditating and at peace with everything. You know the one with his eyes closed, and the smile looking like he’s almost nodding his head and saying ” Well done grasshopper” yeah…that one! That is the attitude that I am going to adapt throughout this entire experience, because if I don’t, my head will absolutely 100% explode.
When looking at everything I’ve done so far, and will be doing, at a macro level, it can be kind of overwhelming. Lots of papers, lots of unknowns, lots of miles away from home, and lots of money spent. I met with my tutor earlier this week, and I think that was the first time I really began to freak out. It all suddenly hit me in the face that this is a STUDY abroad, not just a trip (the walk home in the pouring rain certainly didn’t help with this melancholy feeling. I totally looked like I could have been in a music video). I have never done something to this degree and this caliber, and it really made me doubt if this is even something that I can do. I have never been the most confident in my abilities and my intelligence, even though I’ve proven myself time and time again that I am capable of doing anything I want to do.
Once I took a step back and thought about everything, that’s when my little emoji mantra took place. All I can truly do, is try my very best! I will work hard and do all I can with confidence and pride. I will work hard and do so as the best as I can. I need to realize, that I am not going to become an Oxford scholar overnight, and that’s perfectly fine, great things take time and this experience will teach me more than I could even imagine. If I can do this, I can literally do anything I want.
But, through the stress, the doubt, and the “WTF”’s, the people I have met on this trip, the sites I have seen, and the memories I have already made have reigned supreme. I just simply cannot stop commenting on how lucky I feel. The life I am living right now is an absolute dream and every single second I spend here, I am growing and evolving as a person. And in my most Oxford and scholarly way I will say, that that’s pretty tight if you ask me.